Recommended Resources
Guide for the Betrayer
Have your secret sexual behaviors recently been discovered? Are you stuck in knowing what to share, how much to share, and how to not traumatize your partner with too many gory details about your past? Has your therapist asked you to do a "Formal Disclosure" but you have no idea how to do that? Do you want to begin a life of honesty, integrity, and transparency? IF ANY OF THOSE QUESTIONS APPLY, THIS WORKBOOK IS FOR YOU. This guide walks you through a comprehensive approach to providing a full disclosure of your sexual past to your partner. We help you break down the entire process, offering you a step-by-step approach to sharing your past and restoring a foundation of truth in your relationship. Through examples, questions, and the shared experiences of others, we've created a way for you to navigate a complex, difficult process. Designed to be used with your partner's companion workbook,
How to Share the Truth After Betrayal
Facing the Shadow
For all addicts, a moment comes when they realize they have a problem. There is sudden clarity, the insight that life has become unmanageable. That moment, however, is fragile. It is easily lost to craving and denial. People struggling with sex addiction find the old refrains creeping back into their thinking: My situation is different. . . . This will all blow over. . . . People are overreacting to my behavior. Or, this is hopeless. I'm just too perverted to change.
Facing the Shadow, used by thousands of therapists with their clients, is based on the thirty-task model of recovery from addiction that forms the basis of Carnes's work. This newly revised and expanded edition takes readers through the first seven of those tasks, including specific performables that are built in to the exercises. The model also supports Twelve-Step recovery programs.
Sexual and Relationship Recovery
Out of the Dog House
Men and women are very different when it comes to relationships, and this difference is amplified when a man cheats. While men are able to compartmentalize things like casual sex, women typically view any form of cheating as an affront to their entire relationship. They think: "If he is lying to me about sex, he's probably lying to me about everything."
For betrayed women, trust just flat-out disintegrates. Without proper guidance, men--who are often unaware of the type and degree of pain they have caused their spouse--have little chance of restoring it.
Men Caught Cheating
It was out of his reverence and respect for the wisdom and therapeutic value of the Twelve Steps that Carnes wrote A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps, now a recovery classic and self-help staple for anyone looking for guidance for life's hardest challenges.
Hundreds of thousands of people have found in this book a personal portal to the wisdom of the Twelve Steps. With updated and expanded concepts and a focus on the spiritual principles that lead to lifelong growth and fulfillment, Carnes's new edition invites a fresh generation of readers to the healing and rewarding experience of Twelve Step recovery.
Through the 12-StepsA Gentle Path
Have you discovered sexual betrayal? Are you unable to heal your heart and relationship from betrayal trauma without knowing the full truth? Have you determined that you need a professionally-guided disclosure but are unsure how to prepare so your needs are addressed? If any of those questions apply, this workbook series is for you. Volume Two for Partners assists you in preparing for a disclosure on your own terms, by defining your needs and how to get them fulfilled, your boundaries and how to stand firm in them, and your personal healing by how you prepare yourself. This step-by-step guide not only helps you survive the painful experience of coming into full truth, but also supports you to grow stronger along the way. Used in companion with your spouse’s version, Full Disclosure: How to Share Truth After Sexual Betrayal, these parallel workbooks guide each of you through a therapeutic disclosure with a common understanding, common language, and a common goal of restoring the foundation of truth in your relationship.
Seeking Truth After Sexual Betrayal Partner Vol. 2
When you discover that the person you loved and trusted most in the world is hiding a secret life as a sex addict, the result can be devastating. Facing that heartbreak is what this book is all about. The healing process will take time regardless of whether you decide to stay in the relationship or leave.
Facing Heartbreak weaves real-life stories with practical therapeutic advice and specific tasks that gently educate, empower, and guide the partner of the sex addict through a process of recovery. Using Dr. Patrick Carnes' thirty-task sex recovery model, readers will learn to heal from the heartbreak and betrayal as they discover hope and healing.
Workbook for Trauma Recovery
Facing Heartbreak
Sexual addiction and compulsive sexual behavior often steal a person's ability to achieve emotional or sexual intimacy. Both addicts and their partners may suffer in isolation, ashamed and afraid, not knowing where to turn for help. Your Sexually Addicted Spouse shatters that stigma and shame and provides understanding and empathy for the addict and his or her spouse. Barbara Steffens' groundbreaking research was the first to show that partners are not codependents but post-traumatic stress victims, while Marsha Means' personal experience provides insights, strategies, and critical steps to recognize, deal with, and heal partners of sexually addicted relationships. Firsthand accounts and stories reveal the impact of this addiction on survivors' lives.
How Partners Can Cope and Heal
Setting Boundaries
Tap into the power of neurobiology to create healthy boundaries and more authentic connections with others.
Do you struggle to set boundaries with others in your life? Has your past conditioned you to expect pushback when setting boundaries, or caused you to give up on trying to set boundaries altogether? The prospect of setting boundaries can be scary and intimidating, and can put you in a very vulnerable place where your mental health and well-being may even be at risk. There is a science to creating boundaries—one that will empower you, deepen your connection with others, and improve your self-esteem.
Setting Boundaries That Stick offers a scientific, neurobiological approach to boundary work. This unique guide will teach you to set healthy boundaries from the inside out by cultivating an “integrated brain,” which allows you to respond to others with intention, rather than simply reacting based on instinct. Also included are exercises and activities to help you understand and create both physical and psychological boundaries, thereby building a solid, holistic framework for a more authentic sense of connection with others.
Feel Safe, Connected & Empowered
In The EMDR Workbook for Trauma, you’ll discover a complete program to help you get in touch with, understand, and heal from the beliefs, feelings, and bodily sensations connected to your trauma. You’ll learn to work through past or current trauma using emotion regulation and grounding techniques, and identify the specific triggers, limiting self-beliefs, and symptoms standing in between you and lasting peace of mind. You’ll also discover how to cultivate compassion for yourself when you’re feeling stuck. Finally, you’ll find tons of tips, tools, checklists, and worksheets to lead you step by step as you process, heal, and journey toward a life free from the effects of trauma.
EMDR Workbook
Happiness begins with gratitude―the feeling of appreciation for the people and experiences in our lives that have helped or supported us in some way. This gratitude journal makes it easy and enjoyable to develop a daily practice through insightful prompts that only take a few minutes to complete. You'll feel inspired to notice things―big and small―that you might otherwise take for granted and pause to feel grateful for them.
Build a better habit―Make gratitude a daily practice through mindfulness-based exercises, powerful quotes, positive affirmations, and recurring themes that reinforce what you're thankful for.
Develop a grateful attitude―Discover the psychological and emotional benefits of gratitude, like how it can help you feel happier and more optimistic.
Find gratitude fast―No matter how jam-packed your day is, these short journal prompts allow you to reap the rewards of gratitude.
With this 5-minute positivity journal, you can bring more gratitude and happiness into your life each and every day.